1. We will tweak the fyreon logo - I will try to get it off my laptop this week 2. The opening is a little sudden - could do with holding off the dialogue for a couple of seconds to establish the scene 3. Some of the background sound probably needs to be tweaked - a little glitchy at (e.g.) 10s 4. Some weird editing at 11 s - how does she get on the horse...? 5. What happens at 30s...? SHe's on the horse, then she's off the horse...? 6. Strange insert at 0.36... 7. You could really do with some background music to make this work better... 8. Need to hold for a couple of beats before your second character comes on at 0.53 - otherwise, why didn't she see the first character? Surely some passage of time...? 9. SOunds like a bit of camera noise at 1.03/.04 10. Some interesting edting here, at 1.07, but a little too fast... 11. Cut to black before the attacker freezes. You need a sound effect to denote the impact. Then hold in black for about a second 12. Nasty cut at 1.15... 13. Odd editing at 1.20 as well; how does she get there? 14. The final shot is good. 15. There don't appear to be any titles or credits...?
Although the general feel of the piece is okay, it doesn't really hang together - the editing is very glitchy - and there's no real sense of tension. You could do with using some background music, for example, and you need to structure the editing with more logic - characters jump around like nobody's business... You need to be a little more inventive with this. I would actually be tempted to cross-cut between the story of the second girl searching for the first girl, creating a parallel between the two stories. I think you need a scene showing a conversation between, perhaps, a police-officer and the owner of the riding stable, to show some more conventional editing as well as moving the narrative forward? Maybe just 30s? You can re-edit the section you've got to be the title sequence... I will work on this with you after half term, but you might want to plan it out - in detail - over the holiday...
1. We will tweak the fyreon logo - I will try to get it off my laptop this week
ReplyDelete2. The opening is a little sudden - could do with holding off the dialogue for a couple of seconds to establish the scene
3. Some of the background sound probably needs to be tweaked - a little glitchy at (e.g.) 10s
4. Some weird editing at 11 s - how does she get on the horse...?
5. What happens at 30s...? SHe's on the horse, then she's off the horse...?
6. Strange insert at 0.36...
7. You could really do with some background music to make this work better...
8. Need to hold for a couple of beats before your second character comes on at 0.53 - otherwise, why didn't she see the first character? Surely some passage of time...?
9. SOunds like a bit of camera noise at 1.03/.04
10. Some interesting edting here, at 1.07, but a little too fast...
11. Cut to black before the attacker freezes. You need a sound effect to denote the impact. Then hold in black for about a second
12. Nasty cut at 1.15...
13. Odd editing at 1.20 as well; how does she get there?
14. The final shot is good.
15. There don't appear to be any titles or credits...?
Although the general feel of the piece is okay, it doesn't really hang together - the editing is very glitchy - and there's no real sense of tension. You could do with using some background music, for example, and you need to structure the editing with more logic - characters jump around like nobody's business... You need to be a little more inventive with this. I would actually be tempted to cross-cut between the story of the second girl searching for the first girl, creating a parallel between the two stories. I think you need a scene showing a conversation between, perhaps, a police-officer and the owner of the riding stable, to show some more conventional editing as well as moving the narrative forward? Maybe just 30s? You can re-edit the section you've got to be the title sequence... I will work on this with you after half term, but you might want to plan it out - in detail - over the holiday...